My name is Emily Nicoll and I am a long-time admirer of you and your people (fairy tale princesses in general). I am studying to be an adolescent counselor and the impact you and your people (again, fairy tale princesses) have on young girls is extensive. I gained an address that may serve as a point of contact for you through a friend of mine, so I hope this finds you well. There are a couple of matters I wish to discuss with you.
First and foremost in the interest of full disclosure and honesty (which, as a princess I know you value greatly) I must inform you that while you are appreciated, you are not my favorite princess. I do apologize for any hurt that may cause, but my guilt is assuaged with the knowledge that many claim you as their favorite regent.
Please do not misunderstand; I greatly respect all you have done in your life, what with the cleaning oh-so-much, training woodland creatures to make beautiful dresses for you, devising intricate escape plans, (Hello! Pumpkin Coach?!?!? BRILLIANT!), and then living within close quarters with people you generally detest. On top of all of this, I can personally identify with the pain you experienced at having your favorite pair of shoes absolutely destroyed (I just buried my favorite pair of cowboys boots…it’s a hardship, I know).
But we women of the 21st century are looking for a little bit more in our princesses, so I thought I might share with you some pointers on how you might become a bit more popular with the 20-something set.
One of your fellow royals exhibits some of the qualities that I think may benefit you if applied to your own life these days. I’m sure you are familiar with Belle. I would very much like to point out a few things that Belle has accomplished, or traits she possesses, that perhaps you may find beneficial if you were to add them to your repertoire:
1- Belle reads. A lot. She broadens her horizons and expands her mind, promoting education in young women, something that not too long ago we females were denied on some of the most basic levels. Now that you are living happily ever after, how about initiating some educational grants for the young women of the realm?
2- She works. Now as I stated earlier, I understand that you cleaned oh-so-much for your step-mother, but Belle-well, she helps her father INVENT things. Whole new machines are created with her assistance! Why don’t you try to figure out how to market that Pumpkin Coach, eh?
3- I’m sure Prince Charming is just that: charming. But really, it takes a lot more character to fall for a guy who looks as though he could flat out eat you. Belle did that. I’m just sayin’…
4- When the tough gets goin’, Belle throws herself into the thick of it! When Gaston decided to storm the castle and kill the Beast, Belle went after him, threw some fists and got her hands a little dirty. May I point out that you, Madame Cinderella, cried in the tower when you thought all hope was lost for love? Something to consider.
5- Belle can ride a horse. His name is Felipe. You can’t. Every proper princess should know how to ride a horse.
I hope you take these suggestions in the manner in which they were intended. I mean only to help you become the best princess that you can be, so as to be an even better role model for females world-wide (like Belle is). I thank you very much for your time and consideration of these matters and finally come to the main point of this missive: I really like fairy tale princesses and would appreciate your autograph, or those of any friends you may have that are regents as well….I know you know them….I have proof:
Thank you so much for your magnanimous consideration and time. I have included my home and business addresses below should you feel the desire to contact me. Have a blessed and pleasant day.
With many thanks in advance-
Emily Elizabeth Nicoll