Self Acctualization Lessons Learned: I am Pretty Corny (Part I)

I just spent the weekend with a dear friend who actually happens to be my oldest Amiga, in both length of acquaintance and actual years spent on earth. It was one of those weekends when there was actually enough time to do nothing and something all in two days, a time filled with serious sharing and wine-fueled laughter. I felt awesomely lucky as I drove home on Sunday night, pondering the corny sweetness that comes with old, dear friends. I then observed worlds collide between two people I know;one of my closest friends visited Las Vegas this past weekend...yes, I was a bit jealous, I must admit, but I got even more green-eyed when I noticed on the ever-updating Twitter feed that a sweet friend of mine from high school (who is currently driving cross-country from LA to South FLA) was stopping in Vegas that very night, and that their paths were bound to cross! To top off the Friendship-A-Palooza going on in my little blonde head, I am getting the chance to visit another dear friend in honor of her birthing her second fabulous son next weekend. 
In true Emily fashion, I mentally constructed a list of all the ways I have discovered what real friendship truly is, the lessons I have learned from the women around me....
A Real Friend:
-NEVER says 'I told you so'
-Waits over an hour with you for a tattoo, even when they aren't getting one and even when it only takes 10 minutes get the actual tattoo
-Knows how you drink your margaritas
-Tells you what you don't want to hear, but probably need to hear
-Overlooks hormonal witchiness
-Can list your favorite foods
-Will go ahead and let you say 'Thank you!' and take motherhood credit when someone comments on how cute their kid is as you're holding them, knowing part of you is savoring the moment in case its the only chance you get to be a "mom"
-Totally knows who your celebrity crush is (and may or may not announce that name to the entire checkout line at Walmart, see below)
-Goes to Walmart past 11:00 p.m. with you, for a myriad of reasons
-Agrees when you blame your mother for something that is going wrong in your life, even when your mother is not even remotely to blame for said disaster
-Has completed a thought or sentence of yours once or twice
-Checks in for updates about your life, i.e. how your family is doing, what's going on with work and if you're drinking red or white wine these days
-Tells you when you really need to 'cut something out' of your life for stress relief purposes even when they know that 'something' could mean less texting with them for a bit
-Listens to the really long voicemail you left when you butt or purse dialed, just in case you actually say something worthwhile somewhere in it
-Realizes that pedicure chairs have the same effect as a therapist's office
-Makes the effort to be in your life
-Forgives you when you slack off on making the effort to be in theirs
-Checks out your stupid blog
I realize some of these lessons learned are excruciatingly specific to my girls....go ahead and make your own list someday...

Every Friday morning I get the same happy-happy-joy-joy feeling...the weekend is here and FULL of possibilities!

My fellow blogger, art enthusiast and WA bud, Adrienne http://thickhairdoesnottease.blogspot.com/,  is always blogging, posting, or tweeting about random things that inspire her or make her happy. Brooke, http://busy-brooke.blogspot.com/ ,another enthusiast, blogger and WA survivor (as well as AMAZING support system extraordinaire) does the same...taking my cue from these women and my new found resolution to be an optimist, last night I journaled (yes, I still journal, it's therapeutic) about hings that make me happy or inspired me to paint.

1- Just got an awesome message from my aunt...my family just makes me so happy...they are pretty insane but amazing!

2- My pup...he's just the sweetest thing ever, and so excited to be alive every morning!

3- I found my copy of 'Casablanca'!

4- This amazing journal I am waiting for Amazon to get into my pretty little hands!

5- Getting ready to move into some new space has me obsessed with decorating....Redefined Home is awesome. Love the color in the sea floats and the retro subway signs? Totally unique.

6-My new cuff from Hive & Honey...in love, but it jingle-jangles so I have to pick my showcase locale carefully...

7- I LOVED the movie 'Easy A' but I am even more enamored with the music from the film, especially this little diddy from I Heart Homework:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3wAgt2_Hro

The Sunny Side of Life...

I have long been accused of being a pessimist. I posses an often caustic & sarcastic sense of humor. In the effort of self-improvement I have begun looking for the bight-side, or the silver lining of various situations and life-occurances. I am not very good at it…below is a list of the various ‘stressors’ and “Boo you!”s I have encountered in the past few weeks and the consequent optimism I have employed….again, I am not very good at it…

1)Rainy Day: Softens the blow of losing my favorite sunglasses

2)Being a student (STILL) : This is an unwaveringly reliable explanation for why I am not as fabulously rich as my fellow 20-somethings without having to explain the Dooney handbags, Nixon watch or why the nail salon manager not only knows my name but has also begun to call me just ‘Pretty Lady’ every time I come in. Being a student allows forgiveness for poverty and irresponsible spending-you’re still learning!

3) The NFL lockout: While my profession prohibits me from official comment (check out ESPN for the latest), as a red-blooded woman I have dug deep and figured out the following: the off-season is a time of rest and training; a time when my Boys work-out. As the lock-out equates to a longer off-season, I expect my Boys to come back in even better shape, which let’s face it, can never be a bad thing.

4)Periods: That extra 3 LBS? It really IS just water weight and you were NOT lying to yourself!

5) Being Single: See blog post-http://emilyelizabethnicoll.blogspot.com/2011/02/heres-to-finding-good-man.html

6) Going to Work: Work=money=spending more time with my friend who calls me ‘Pretty Lady’, see #2. If this silver-lining doesn’t cut it, I just check out the unemployment rates in America and that takes care of that.

7) Living MILES away from my closest friends: All communication has a higher value. When was the last time you really got down to the nitty-gritty with a friend? I mean the deep stuff…pouring your heart out and being brutally honest. When you can’t depend on sushi nights, shopping sprees, and movie dates to keep your friendships going you end up relying on the real stuff. While I would love to actually see my girls face-to-face, I wouldn’t trade what we have for a potentially shallow-er version. Friendships are like designer bags, no knock-offs please.

8) Schizophrenic Spring Weather: It may be bi-polar, not schizophrenic, I’d have to check the DSM, which I don’t keep in my back pocket, but the point is, every day you get about three different climatic changes….which also means that we are currently in the one season a year which allows you to wear absolutely ANYTHING in your closet without looking insane

9) The soda machine is broken at work –again.: This had led me to the budget friendly discovery of liter bottles at my desk. I cannot tell you how much money I have saved, or how thoroughly entertaining early morning trips to the local convenience store truly are. People are weird. In general.

10) Not being able to find Skinnygirl Margaritas ANYWHERE close to my home: No silver-lining….I’ll keep trying, but I’m pretty sure that I won’t be happy about this issue until I get what I want

The stars at night, are big and bright...

I have mentioned my love for the great state of Texas before, and I have, on numerous occasions been asked why it holds such a dear place in my heart. So I have compiled a list (ah, my lovely peace-inducing lists) of the various aspects of Texas that make me oh-so-very-happy:


-Here in Texas it is not sufficient to merely support our favorite Texas collegiate sports program, we also disparage the other schools, as evidenced by 'Saw 'Em Off' car decals...

-The wild Texas flora & fauna! Bluebonnets and tulips actually grow on the side of the road. If you drive south from Dallas to Houston (Hey Aunt Sheryl and Uncle Steve!) you will see literally thousands of sunflowers growing wild. And in the fall, oh in the fall, you will see tumbleweeds. Real tumbleweeds. Out of a John Wayne-western-movie-style tumbleweeds. For real.

-Shiner Bock and St. Arnold's. St. Arnold's is a micro-brew that comes out of Houston. If you ever get a chance, check out the brewery tour...not only do you get to sample the yummy fermented grains, but you can observe the eclectic artists that plop down at pic-nick tables and um, create 'masterpieces'. Shiner Bock is a Texas institution and I have actually met a very nice doggie named Shiner, who is adorned with a bottle-cap style dog tag. It was originally made in Shiner, TX and in the prohibition the original brewer made 'near-beer'...hmmm interesting. As a side note, Shiner is best enjoyed while eating at Hard 8.

-Hard 8 BBQ....massive mesquite pits....vast quantities of every meat imaginable...homemade jalapeno corn...food is weighed by the pound. You point to everything you want and they just pile it on the scale. It's a tradition to go there, when my friends the Robinson's are in town, even to point that a picture of the place is what pops up on my cell when Mrs. Robinson calls me. http://www.hardeightbbq.com/

-Texans loves their sports. There is no off-season here. You simply roll over from football (Go Cowboys) to basketball (Get 'em Mavericks), on into baseball (2010 American League Champs!). Wear some pretty blue and you can support all three teams year-round!

 -Texan pride is unrivaled. We are Texans and damn proud of it! I give you two prime examples:

A) When born in Texas, not only is the actual state illustrated in the background of your birth certificate, but for an extra fee, you can have a gigantic Texas star imprinted on it as well. And yes, before you ask, I DO have the star...However, giving a picture of my actual birth certificate is just stupid, so here is a different example:

B) Texas native and country cutie, Miranda Lambert sings one of my favorite songs, 'Texas as Hell'

I'm Texas as hell
Mean 'n ornery
I don't need no loud mouth
Comin' on to me
My temper gets hotter than red white and blue blazes
You know dog-gone well everybody can tell I'm Texas as hell

Well I know I haven't been around a long time
But I've heard my share of
Those worn out love lines
If you ain't redneck
Dont waste your time
Because right now I'm in a lone star state of mind

And I'm Texas as hell
Mean 'n ornery
I don't need no loud mouth
Comin on to me
My temper gets hotter than red white and blue blazes
You know dog-gone well everybody can tell
I'm Texas as hell

Well I guess you think that I'll be persuaded
But how many times do I have to say this
don't mess with me boy
For heaven's sake
Didnt anybody tell you messin with Texas was a big mistake



-The Mexican culinary influences are EVERYWHERE here! Now I grew up in South Florida, so I know there is a respectful difference between the different Latin-American backgrounds and cultures, and I HATE it when anyone Hispanic is labeled 'Mexican' in a derogatory manner. But I am talking about legitimate Mexican cuisine. I promise you that the minute you cross the Texas state line, or step into our airports off of a plane, within 5 minutes you could find amazing salsa and margaritas to make you eyes water.

-Keeping in the culinary theme, I present to you argument # 8 of why Texas is my favorite state: WG. WG is translated as white gravy and is served on chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, traditionally, however, many native and naturalized Texans find excuses to put it on just about anything. It is bad for you. It is unsophisticated. It is amazing. It's butter, flour, milk and salt and pepper, but the extra kick my granddaddy, uncles, and mama use is bacon grease. yes, bacon grease. Trust me on this. Please.

-Everything sparkles in Texas. I mean that literally. For women, anyway. Jeans, belts, handbags, shoes, boots, nails, headbands, car decals, glasses, tank tops, bikinis, book bags, dog collars, wine bottles, candle holders, laptops, cell phones, notebooks....everything! I have even seen a be-dazzled shot-gun. I don't really know why Texas women feel the need to add sparkle to everything they own but it is very evident and very present here in Dallas, and has been observed directly in Houston and San Antonio as well.

-Everyone is welcome in Texas. You don't have to be born here to call yourself a Texan. Natives make the distinction, but we welcome you with open arms!

Karma

In the 7th grade one of my best friends began complaining about how her eye hurt. She rubbed it over and over and it began to twitch. So I made fun of her. Then she went to the doctor and found out she had a scratched cornea. She didn't come to school for three days because she had to wear an eye patch. So I made more fun of her. It was all good-natured, she laughed along with all of the pirate jokes, and twitchy eye faces I made at her for years afterward, so don't go thinking that I went all MG on her...
HOWEVER...last night as I was laying in bed thinking about the fact that today is her 25th birthday and how great a person she is, my eye began to hurt. At 4:30 this afternoon I found out why: I have a scratched cornea.

6 weeks ago my brother won his school's science fair. He was invited to the district convention. He told my parents he did not want to go, it was not his 'cup of tea'. They made him. They giggled over the fact that he hated science and his science fair project, over the irony of him winning and having to go through with the convention. Then he came home with the notice that parental attendance was mandatory. Two weeks ago my family (minus me) got to the old state fair grounds at 8:00 a.m. and didn't leave until 6:30 p.m., after they had experienced over 150 middle school science fair presentations.

There is a really mean and nasty dog in my apartment complex. He/she/it growls and snarls at other people and my poor pup all the time. He/she/it stands at the window and goes bezerk anytime you walk past. He/she/it happens to live right by the mail boxes, so Pup and I encounter he/she/it frequently. I have never approached the owner about their fearsome (absolutely obnoxiously annoying) pet. Last week Pup slowly walked up to the creature, head bowed, little tail tucked and popped a squat right outside he/she/it's window.

These are super-silly, trivial examples of what I have been taught recently (except for my eye, it hurts like something you cannot imagine, unless you have given birth, and then maybe you know a little more about pain).I don't know all of the legitimate boundaries and principles of karma. I DO know my own faith. I am a Christian. A word to the wise: don't make fun of others (if you can help it). Another little nugget of wisdom? Don't worry about those who find joy in your pain...God does that for you.

"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" --- KJV

Check please!

I love lists. There is something about making a list that makes everything feel a little more controlled which makes me feel a little less anxious. I have studied many different psychological disorders and theories, so I know all about how this statement makes me sound and I am a-okay with it. I hate change and I hate chaos. I love order and control, which is odd for an artist, but I relish my status as an enigma. My mother made lists all the time while I was growing up and still does. Making a list is great…organizing thoughts and seeing what all needs to be accomplished. Even better? Checking off items on said lists! I will actually add things to my lists that I have already done, just to be able to check something else off! The sense of accomplishment is priceless! Any feeling of order in this crazy world is so scarce, that I will take it anywhere I can get it. List-making is a way of figuring out what you want and getting it….


I grew up with list-makers. They may not all know it, but it was unavoidable in the environment in which we were raised. At a certain point we began to formulate our lists, most likely without even recognizing it…or for some, their lists were formulated for them; we were to graduate high school, go to college immediately, graduate, get a job, find a significant other, get a better job, get married, get a house, have kids…I have watched many follow this path, as if they are checking things off one by one. I have beat myself up many times over the fact that I have not followed the same list and checked off the same items, one by one. That’s what I was ‘supposed’ to do! There’s just a couple of problems with all of this list-mania…I don’t want a husband right now. And I am not ready for kids. And I don’t like the idea of caring for an entire house. And I am still in school because I have FINALLY figured out what I want to do with my life. Not one thing has been checked off of the life list I made when I was in the middle of high scool, busy being a know-it-all, other than graduating high school and going to college. But would I really want a life I didn’t desire, simply to be able to say that I had followed a check-list that supposedly led to contentment and happiness? Everyone has heard it before, but we all seem to forget it: there is no ‘normal’. There is no magic, universal equation that leads to success in life.

I just came off a really rough week…emotions running amok, school taking a necessary but unfortunate backseat, and various other factors adding to an interesting hormonal tornado. Sunday evening I broke out the trusty ol’ journal…and of course I made a list. I called it the ’26 List’. It contains various achievements I would like to accomplish before my next birthday. I ended up with a pretty long list. Now I am not one to set myself up for disaster or disappointment, so I have decided that I must accomplish only one of the many items on this list by December 25, 2011 and simply strive for crossing off as many as I can, after that first one. A list like this could take a long while to work through, and I was prepared for that.

The next morning, via a message in my in-box, I was able to check off one of the goals on my list. Just like that. God is good.

You're half-way to dead...

I recently turned 25. My 14 year-old brother eloquently explained to me that 25 is half-way to 50, which is half-way to dead....nice, right?
One of my close friends is a year older than me, and at 26 she has a pretty darn good head on her shoulders. We met in the 6th grade and were instantly bonded as only prep-school Boca Babes-in-training can be...we didn't fit in perfectly, so we fit together beautifully. This morning I found this list in my in-box...so please, welcome my first guest, Ms. Jordan....

Jordan, Me, and Ms. Tegan- Junior High

You know you're a Big Girl when:
1. You start 'editing' who the friends in your life are.
2. You start to refer to other women as 'that really drunk' girl or simply the 'other' girl; because you realize that getting completely wasted all the time is unladylike, obnoxious and trashy.
3. If you "gossip", it's less about starting trouble and more about, "Wow, X is really making themself look bad."...the recognition of bad behavior becomes clearer.
4. You no longer consider Saturday night, "party night". It's just Saturday night.
5. You stop fooling around with boys. Why? Because at a certain point- you're not some young, independant chick havin' fun- you're just being a slut.
6. You stop tolerating obnoxious people.You start telling them to shut-up and
leave.
7. You start telling people to behave themselves. You've matured to a place of realization of bad behavior- so you're helping them get there as well.
8. You ease-up on self destructive behavior. Yeah, it may have been fun,but if
Harvard did a study on how bad it is for you-it's time to give it up.
9. You stop caring so much what other's think. It allows for a sense of freedom.
10. You start evaluating who, what and when is important to you.Who are the
people that matter?What matters?When are you going to achieve your goals
11. You ease- up on the need to shock people
12. You take care of yourself- multi dimensional- in health, irelationships, in career

This list could go on and on....Jordan, Tegan and I have already added an entire addendum pertaining to spring break (I forgot I even had one, Jordan will be sodding her yard). There is a sweet contentment to growing up...to realizing what really is important, to being excited about the challenges ahead and not afraid of them. Being half-way to dead isn't so bad after all...

Spam

I recently read yet another article on consumer profiling that focused on how Spam distributors target certain individuals to advertise their client’s wares. So after immediately wondering exactly how much access Big Brother has to us (don't go there, you'll just freak yourself out), I began sifting through all of my Spam folders, curious to see exactly how I am perceived by American merchants, down to the lowest common denominator…



Here’s what I came up with:

1- Wheelchair offers. Yup. “Redeem your discounted wheelchair today!” The day they finally offer me a free one, I am jumping on it...you never know what the years will bring, but I am holding out for the top of the line.


2- Every dating site known to the universe,apparently has THE perfect man for me. Everything from the sweet-“Meet Cute Christian Singles!”, to the not-so-sweet-”Want Someone Who Will Do ANYTHING??? Click Here!”…


3- Psycho-therapeutic prescription drugs…now this one I feel is just God’s way of providing for the sheep of his flock. Really.


4- Somehow, I have landed on Jetsetter’s radar…exclusive, 5-star vacation offers…I have not been on a vacation in years. Literally. I am not exaggerating.


So to the general public I am a handicapped, desperately single, depressed/schizophrenic/bi-polar ecophobic individual. I feel that perhaps I have some image building to do....

Here's to Finding a Good Man...

I don't like Valentine's Day. I just don't. In the interest of being completely honest, it is because I don't care to have a 24-hour reminder that I am currently not in a relationship, or that I don't have a date. I have listened to colleagues and friends, and even parents, request advice on what gifts to give, where to go for a romantic evening, etc…everyone so stressed out over making sure that everything is just perfect for 1 single day out of the 365 we have in a year. And for the record, I am not speaking from a place of sour grapes…I LOVE seeing the people in my life happily in love! It gives me such joy and peace to see my girlfriends involved in healthy,loving relationships…and I have had some really great Valentine’s days as well. My first college boyfriend , Tyler, really hit a home-run, complete with my absolute favorite Thai take-out from one of the best Thai places in downtown Birmingham, AL., a ‘Sex and the City’ marathon and the largest most expensive bath and body set I have ever laid my eyes on even to this day (yes, I was spoiled). But Valentine’s would not be complete without a single-girl rant…so here is mine:


The Top 6 Excellent Privileges Afforded to Single People (according to Emily Elizabeth):

    1) When single, you don’t have to worry about censoring yourself, while cheering against your significant other’s teams….I have dated a Yankees fan and a Saints fan. As a hard-core Red Sox and Cowboys supporter, this annoyed me. Greatly.
    2) There is never any shame about your television choices when you are single. This means that while wasting a Saturday on my couch, I don’t have to covertly change the channel when hypothetical significant other enters the room…if I really want to watch a ‘Hannah Montana’ marathon, by God, I can. And furthermore, if I want to fall asleep with the TV on, while watching ‘Operation Repo’ I can do that too!
    3) Those embarrassing foodie habits. We all have them. I will even be brave and tell you mine: I make a dip that is to die for…salsa, sour cream and grated cheddar cheese. That’s it. With tortilla chips. Sounds nasty and looks worse, but I could eat it all day, and there is no one around to make fun of me or make that squishy, “I can’t believe you are REALLY eating that” face. For the record, I call my masterpiece, Red-Neck Dip.
    4) Your car is your own. This past weekend, I cleaned my car out and found 2 pairs of cowboy boots, 5 socks, 3 foam flip-flops (courtesy of the nail salon), 1 coffee mug and 4 books. If I had a man in my life, I would constantly be worried about how embarrassing it would be to have someone see that kind of mess!
    5) I can openly voice my opinion about how absolutely handsome I think certain players are (Cowboys only, of course). Better yet, I don’t have to pretend to believe that line about how the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, ‘aren’t THAT hot...”…they are, and gentlemen, we know it…don’t lie, it’s just a further insult. But ‘A’ for effort!
*#5 can be applied to actors/actresses, singers, etc., if you’re not a sports fan …
    6) Flying solo also means you don’t have to fake laugh at that joke, you just don’t get. Or fake being impressed by the overpriced restaurant that clearly is not a delicious as a burger and shake from the Purple Cow. Or fake a friendship with all of their friends (be honest, just because you love them, does NOT mean you love their roommates). Or fake excitement that the newest version of whatever game it is that they are obsessed with is being released. Or fake interest in that one story you have already heard about 10 times...you know what I am talking about...'Lemme tell you about that one time when so-and-so and I did that one thing at that place, blah-blah-blah...'. In general, being single cuts out a lot of faking. Period.


Out of curiosity, I polled my single girlfriends and asked them what the top 5 privileges of being single were in their eyes. Only one of my friends is single. Yeah. We would start a club but we don’t have enough members to have a voting majority…


Here’s Tegan’s list:


1) Freedom
2) Girls Weekends with no Strings Attached
3) You can dream about other guys and get caught up in romantic books without feeling guilty
4) You are able to get excited when you see a cute guy and blush
5) You can have lots of fun guy friends and it is ok!
She included graphics as well, to illustrate her point…

I am not bitter (usually) and if the right guys asks for a date, I will say yes! The point is, I am single and it is Valentine’s Day. Yet, I still received jewelry, am still getting taken out for a delicious dinner, and still am cuddling up with an absolutely adorable boy tonight…my friend is a jewelry rep who sent me gorgeous pieces last week, my mother and father are hosting dinner out this evening, and my puppy loves me unconditionally…he even takes up all the room in the bed and snores, just like a real man…


So to all my other single ladies out there…someday your prince will come…don’t rush it…I’ve heard he is worth the wait. To all my attached ladies out there…thank you for always reminding me that he is worth the wait…